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►What
Is Parental Control? ►Parental
Control: Protect Your Child And Computer ►Parental
Control: Is It Enough? ►Using
Parental Control Wisely ►Online
Timers And Parental Control ►Parental
Control That Extends Beyond Your Internet Service Provider ►Parental
Control: Should I Create A Screen Name For My Child? ►Parental
Control: A Child's View ►Parental
Control: Different Levels Of Protection ►What
Can Parental Control Limit? ►Parental
Control: Online Activity Reports ►Parental
Control Through Website Browsing ►Parental
Control And Chat ►Parental
Control And Email ►Parental
Control And Instant Messaging ►"Because"
Just Isn't the Answer ►Encourage
Your Child To Feel Important ►Follow
Through Is The Key To Successful Discipline ►Parenting-
When A Child Asks Why ►Encourage
Your Child To Feel Important ►Follow
Through Is The Key To Successful Discipline ►Make
Quality Time With Your Child Count ►Our
Ever-Changing Role As A Parent ►Positive
Discipline Without Hurting Your Child ►Protect
Your Child's Emotional Well-Being ►Successful
Two-Way Communications With Your Child ►The
Truth About Lying ►Training
The Fussy Eater ►Our
Ever-Changing Role As A Parent
Parental
control is a term that is used to describe the watchful eye that
you can have on your child while they are online when you are
not around. These controls allow the parent, who holds a master
account with their internet service provider, to take control
over their specific allowances to the child. For many parents,
this allows them some level of protection for when the child is
online. Since more and more children at younger ages are
getting online, the need is growing and very important is this
control.
The Need
The need for parental controls is high. With many of today’s
pedophiles and criminals lurking online to do their dirty work,
your child is at risk. You could just prohibit them from
getting onto the web, but that really is not realistic anymore.
The fact is that students use the internet to research their
homework, to talk with their friends and to play educational (or
not so educational) games online. The likelihood of taking this
away from them is not high simple because much of life also
revolves around being online. They shop online, they meet
people online, and they need to be able to use it as a tool to
aid them in many functions of everyday life.
Enter Parental Controls
As you can see, there is little hope that you will actually be
able to never allow your child to get on the web. But, parental
controls can help you nonetheless. With these tools, your child
can safely do the things that they want while you control where
they go and what they do, to a certain level. Parental controls
can also help you to parent your child’s use of the internet,
but allowing you to set time limits and to keep them within
certain websites.
Parental controls are a tool that every parent should have on
their hands. Most internet service providers do offer some
level of protection for your child, if you allow them their own
screen name and access to the web. With the help of parental
controls, you allow your child to do the things he or she needs
and wants to do but to do those things safely. That’s really
the important aspect to remember.
Parental controls allow you to
keep track of what your child is doing online. Although the
best case scenario is that you will be able to sit with your
child and do what they need to on the web with them, this is not
even remotely possible in most cases. There are many things
that you can do to help protect them including using parental
controls. But, these controls don’t only help protect your
child. Many of them can help to protect your computer and
network, too. That makes them even more important for you to
consider.
Protection For Your Child
The reason to use parental controls starts with the ability to
protect your child. There is no doubt that this is the real
reason you’ll use them in the first place. The fact is that
protecting your child with these tools helps to keep them out of
the hands of predators that are lurking on the web. While you
can’t take the internet away from them always, you can protect
them by using these controls to limit who they talk to, where
they go online, and even how long they are online.
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Parental Controls For Your Computer’s Protection
In addition to providing protection for your child, parental
controls also help you by protecting your overall well being
including your computer’s well being. For example, many
parental controls provide protection from downloads. Your child
isn’t able to download something off the web unless you approve
it. This is a very important tool as it helps to keep spyware,
adware, and viruses off your computer. In addition, it will
keep your child from visiting websites that have this
potentially troublesome files and elements on them. That means
it protect your computer as well as your child.
Parental controls have the foundation of helping your family to
remain safe. You’ll find many different ways to use them to
safe guard your family, in fact. Take a few minutes to find out
what parental controls can offer to your needs and then get them
on your computer to keep your child and your computer from
becoming vulnerable to what’s lurking on the internet. Without
you realizing it, you could be saving yourself from countless
problems down the road by just setting up parental controls.
You may have seen an
advertisement for parental controls. You may even be
considering the purchase of this type of software. What you
should realize, then, is that parental controls are only one
step in the process of protecting your child. Although it seems
like the solution you need, parental controls can also be one of
the most important tools for your child but it may not be the
only tool that is necessary.
Most parents realize the importance of monitoring their child
online. But, even though you are providing this through the use
of parental controls, you also need to educate your child
regarding the dangers that are lurking online that allow them to
be vulnerable. The fact is that many children, even younger
ones, are able to navigate around the protections you put in
place for them. If they do this, you may not know its happening
and your child is left just as vulnerable as they were in the
first place. For that reason, education is one of the most
important considerations you should have.
Educating your child about the safety necessaries online is a
must. Children can easily be taught how to stay safe online,
just as you teach them to stay safe in public. You just need to
communicate with them what the risks are as well as how to avoid
becoming a victim to these risks.
When you couple educating your child about the risks and the
parental controls that you put in place, your child can and will
be protected when they are online. With these controls in
place, you can safely make decisions regarding the well being of
your child. Without them, your child is at risk for countless
online experiences. Protecting your child means educating them,
as well as yourself, with the risks that are lurking.
Parental controls allow you, as
a parent or guardian to be able to control the computer in which
your child or younger adult is using. You know the importance
of doing so. Online predators are out there and they are
readily stalking even the youngest of children that venture onto
the web. Using parental controls allows you to keep control of
the situation so that you can make decisions for your child that
will ultimately help them deal with what happens online.
What Can Be Done?
Each internet service provider will have their own different set
of parental controls that you can use. The first thing that you
will need to do is to find out what types of software are being
offered to you through your provider. If you do find that these
parental controls are not enough to really protect your child,
you can find others available to you to purchase. Before you
make that investment, remember that some internet service
providers do provide this, or at least some parental controls,
with their service to you.
There are many different options that you can use. Here are a
few of the services that are available.
• Monitor who can send your child email.
• Monitor who your child can send emails to, as well.
• Determine who can send instant messages to your child or
who your child can chat with in chat rooms. Limit them by name
or age, or just allow certain ones.
• Monitor the time that they are online. Set a timer for
each visit as to how much time they can be online each time they
come onto the web.
• Determine which websites your child can go to as well as
what type of website it is. Some limit the child to only those
websites that are approved by you.
There are other services that you can use when it comes to
parental controls. There is no doubt that you’ll be able to
find the right type of control for your needs either with your
current internet service provider or with additional software
that you purchase. The goal here is to find the product that
offers you the overall best solution and protection for your
child. This isn’t the type of thing that you should put aside
and do later.
With
parental controls, you stay in control of what your child does
online as well as what how long they are online in the first
place. One of the tools that many internet service providers
provide to you is that of an online timer. This timer is a tool
that you should consider for a number of reasons. In many
cases, it is a helpful tool that monitors how long your child
has been online as well as enforces the limit that you place on
that amount of time. You make the decisions and you get to keep
those rules going, too.
Face it. You simply can not monitor your teen online all day
every day. If you aren’t home and they are online, they may be
there the entire time. The internet is full of things to do,
websites to visit and lots of people to interact with. It can
become a very easy way to push away the time without even
knowing that you are doing it. The internet does draw in
children of all ages, but remember, your parental controls are
in place to help provide you with the protection you need.
An online timer is a simple enough program. All you need to do
is to simply tell it just how long you will allow your child to
be online. There are several types of settings that you can
select from, in most cases. You can choose to limit how much
time your child goes online each time they do get online. Or,
you can determine how many hours they can be online for each day
and limit them. In addition, you can even limit how many times
they can be online during the course of a week, if you like.
You can limit the number of times that your child can get on the
web as well as how long they are allowed to stay there.
You determine how much time your child gets online. Once you
set this number, when their time is up, the software or internet
service provider tells them so. If they don’t sign off
themselves, the provider will do it for them, helping you to
enforce the rules that you’ve set in place. In most cases, this
is a free service as part of the software you purchased. If it
isn’t provided, then get it and start giving yourself an extra
hand of protection even when you are not home.
Did you
know that kids are crafty creatures? You may think you have
them protected online with the use of parental controls. You’ve
done a good job at making sure that the controls are fair but
that they are in place to help your child to do well throughout
their time online. Most importantly, you believe your child is
safe now that they are online and using the web. The problem is
that your child may know a way to getting around those controls
and therefore may be able to actually avoid doing so.
How Your Child Can Get Around Your Control
Teens are especially crafty, but don’t put it past your older
child to do this as well. The fact is that children learn
things about how to do what they want to do online whether its
at school or just through friends. It happens and you shouldn’t
believe your child is protected when he or she may not be.
What happens is simple. While your parental controls may work
for your internet service provider, you child may be using
another software that’s already installed on your computer to
get around them. What’s more is that their other electronic
software may also contain the ability to get online without you
even realizing it. Such programs as Internet Explorer, Netscape
and others are one of the easiest ways to get around parental
controls. Other elements such as instant messaging that is done
outside of the internet service provider, such as with a
different program, chat rooms, forums and even file sharing
programs are out there. What’s more is that their handheld
gaming systems are now able to get online in some cases.
There Is Hope, Though
The good news is that there are parental control products on the
market that can still protect you from many of these services.
The first thing to do is to learn what opportunities your child
has to get online around your internet service provider. Find
out how they are getting online simply by watching or talking to
them. Then, look for the right product on the market that will
help you to limit their access to the internet across all
boards. You may be one of the lucky ones that has an internet
service provider that actually provides this type of protection
to your child through their service. If not, find out how these
parental controls work and use them.
Considering parental controls
for your child is something all parents today that have a
computer within their home should do. Here’s why. Your child
gets online and visits with a simple and seemingly safe online
environment such as a chat room or a message board. They begin
communicating with people from in their neighborhood or around
the world. But, although they are just talking and being
innocent, the other person that they could be talking to is
nothing like what they seem. They could be a predator. Or,
they could be another kid just like your own. The problem is
that there is no way of knowing who they are.
The problem with using parent controls for your child on your
own screen name means that you’ll have to implement those
controls on yourself. This is difficult to do since most adults
don’t want to be limited in where they go and what they do.
That’s fine because many internet service providers actually
allow you to create additional screen names that fit under your
account. That means that you can create a new screen name for
your child that can have its own parental controls on it,
helping to protect your child.
Once you have your own child set up with their own screen name,
the process of setting up parental controls is simple. It takes
just a few minutes to go in and create the rules that you want
your child following. Selecting the appropriate tools will help
you to monitor what your child is doing so that you don’t have
to limit your own access to the internet. In most cases,
different levels of protection are available so that you can
select the one that’s right for your child. Take the time to
insure that you talk to them about why you are using parental
controls. Don’t use it as a punishment, but a protection for
your child’s well being.
Parental controls can be very limiting and they can be quite
liberal. As a child gets older, he or she may not require as
much protection as they did in the beginning. As a parent, it
is important to educate you’re your child the risks of being
online. Its also important to monitor how well their parental
controls are working for both your needs of protection and their
needs to be online. The right decisions can be made so that
everyone can get online and do what they need and want to.
As
a parent, you have to ask yourself: "Am I really
comfortable with what my child is doing online?"
For most parents the answer is - no. And it is
because most parents don't really know what their
children are doing online, who they talk to, or what
private information they share.
As a good
parent, you realize the importance of using parental controls to
help protect your child while they are on the internet. But,
controlling your child’s behavior online can be somewhat of a
downer for them. After all, they want to get online to play fun
games, to talk with their friends and yes, even to study. There
doesn’t have to be a limit to either side of this coin. You can
set your child’s parental control levels appropriately to allow
them to do age appropriate things that they want to do and still
have some control over the situation. But, to make this work,
you have to communicate them.
Communicate Your Needs
The first thing that you should do before ever allowing your
child to get online, is talk to them about the risks. If you
taught your child never to talk to strangers when walking home
from school and to hold an adults hand to cross the street, then
you need to help them to understand the reasons why they need to
be protected online as well. Simply educating them about what
the risks are will provide a level of protection to your child
in and of itself. But, it is up to you to make this happen for
your child.
Talk to your child about internet predators. Inform your child
how easy it is for an adult to pretend to be another kid. They
often spend hours studying how to do this, in fact, so that they
are knowledgeable of the latest trends. The end result is that
your child really does believe there is another child on the
other end of that instant message and they are more than willing
to tell that child anything they need to know.
Talk to your child about
• What information shouldn’t be given over the internet such
as last names, addresses, and phone numbers.
• Tell your child never to talk about the specific school
that they go to
• Talk to your child about the appropriate and inappropriate
subjects that should be talked about online
• Inform your child how to react and what to do when
they don’t feel comfortable anymore. Make sure they know that
you won’t be mad at them.
• Talk to them about parental controls that are a tool you’ll
be using to protect them, not to limit them.
These are just a few of the very important things you need to
talk to your child about in regards to getting on the web. Most
children today are educated enough in computer lingo and methods
to be able to get around some of the controls you put in place.
For that reason, educating your child to the “why” is essential
to their well being. Again, if you taught your child to never
talk to strangers, you need to help them realize that the web is
full of strangers.
With parental controls, you
have the ability to keep your child safe online. These tools
keep a watchful eye on your child while they are online and
doing the things that they want to do there. The good news is
that thee are many levels of protection in place for you to
use. That means that you’ll be able to successfully implement
the right level of control for your child, instead of just
restricting them completely. With a good internet service
provider’s parental controls, or outside software that you
purchase, you can keep your child safe but still provide them
with the ability to do what they need online.
What Levels Are Out There?
It’s important to realize that there are different levels of
parental controls available to you. You’ll find a number of
different ways to protect your child at different age levels or
different skill levels. Here are a few options that may be
available to you.
• General: This type of parental control is not
limiting. It is the standard service that you, as an adult
would use. It allows for free access to the internet without
any restrictions in place. • Teens: The next level down is that that may be more
appropriate for a teenager. It restricts various elements but
it does allow them to visit more freely online. It helps to
control such things as pornographic websites and other
potentially threatening situations. • Young Teens: With a bit more protection, your pre
teen or young teenager can have more access to the things that
they want to do but still be protected from chat rooms that are
not child specific. • Kids: The lowest levels of protection come into
play for those under the pre teen years. Many of the parental
controls at this level protect your child from moving outside
the designated areas for them. Many internet service providers
offer unique online experiences geared towards these children
that is completely kid only.
Parental controls are up to you to select. Don’t make the
mistake of thinking that your child will be happy with a kid’s
only area if they are a young teen. The good news is that you
can find the right solution for your child and have a successful
online experience that’s safe, too.
Take a look at a list of
valuable children safety books that can help you to protect your
children from a variety of online as well as offline predators.
click here
One of the first question that
you as a parent needs to ask about parental controls is just
what do they limit and how do they do just that. There are many
different ways that predators can come into contact with your
child. You need to use parental controls as well as education
to help protect them from all areas in which they are
vulnerable. Think of it in other instances. You probably
taught your child a secret, family password that was put in
place to allow an adult other than you to pick up your child
with. But, that level of protection doesn’t protect them from
strangers that approach them walking home from school. Parental
controls must cover all areas of vulnerability.
Areas Your Child Needs Protection
Here are a few of the most important ways that you need to
protect your child when they are online. Remember, this isn’t
everything and with new technologies as well as new ways to meet
others online happening every day, you still need to monitor
other areas as well.
• Chatting: Chat rooms are a common thing online.
There are those chat rooms set up for children as young as ten
to talk about games and school. Your parental controls should
allow for some protection from chat rooms that aren’t approved
by you or aren’t known to be kid safe areas.
• Email: Email addresses can easily be obtained. It
only takes the right words in an e-mail’s subject line to get
your child to open on the email and get into trouble. Parental
controls can limit who can send email to your child.
• The Web: The web browsing abilities that your child
has are also important. Parental controls must protect your
child from visiting websites that are not appropriate or ones
that you specifically block.
• Instant Messaging or IM’s: One of the most common
ways to chat online today is through instant messaging. It’s
private and easy to use. Parental controls can help block
unwanted individuals from chatting with your child.
All of these parental controls can be adjusted to fit your
child’s needs, age and your preferences. Consider limiting all
of the options to fit your child. When you implement these
parental controls, you help to protect your child when they are
doing the things they want and need to do online.
Does your internet service
provider help you to set up what are called online activity
reports for your child when they are online? Parental controls
are things you should consider using. They will help your child
to stay safe when they are online and they definitely will help
you to know what your child is up to when they are online.
Although you may think you are spying on your child, you are
ultimately just protecting them from all that is potentially
lurking on the web that could threaten them.
What’s An Activity Report?
A parental control activity report is put in place to help
protect your child while they are online by informing you of
what they are doing while they are there. It will provide you a
report of what they’ve been doing when they are signed onto
their account. This can help you know where they’ve gone and
who they’ve talked to. Most importantly, it helps you to
monitor if they are being safe online.
You may be able to learn many things from these reports. They
will help you to know ho many emails they are getting as well as
who they are getting them from and who they are sending them
to. It will help you to know what websites they have visited
including those that are the most frequently visited. Some
activity reports will even help you to know what types of
websites they have tried to visit but that are restricted
through the use of your parental controls. This allows your
child to stay protected while communicating with others online.
The activity report does not have to be something that you tell
your child about, if you feel that you don’t want to. It is a
report that comes to the master account or the person
responsible for the child’s screen name account. The best thing
is that your child can remain safe and you’ll know about what
potential risks they are taking and then be able to protect them
from making mistakes. It is rare to be able to prevent mistakes
that your child makes. Simply taking note of what they are
doing will also help you to have some peace of mind when you
can’t watch over their shoulder when they are on the web.
Your child came home from
school today talking about a website that they just have to
visit. Parental controls allow you to provide your child with
the protection they need when online and visiting websites that
they learn about. If you are a parent that isn’t sure about the
type of protection that this software can provide in regards to
website browsing, it pays to learn more about it. In fact, you
may want to invest some time in learning what options are out
there.
Each parental control software that are available offers
different types of protection and different levels of it. Yet,
as you may know, these elements are in place with your
guidance. You’ll need to make the decisions about what is right
for your child and what is not. When it comes to web browsing,
you can limit as much as you want or as little as you want them
to access.
The highest level of access in regards to web browsing with
parental controls does not allow for any website access. Move
up a step and the child is able to visit only websites that you
deem are okay and approve. Next step up usually allows your
child to visit kid based websites that are known to be safe
locations on the web. Finally, you can give them full access to
online web browsing without any restrictions, if you like.
You should set the website browsing abilities on your parental
control software to fit your child’s age and their ability to
navigate the web. Each child is different here, but you can
base the information on what they like to do and what you want
to protect them from. Select the level of protection that’s
appropriate for your child then enforce it with your internet
service provider’s parental controls.
Many kids enjoy getting on the
web to talk to their friends. Parental controls can help you to
protect them in these situations. You may ask why they can’t
just pick up the phone and call their friend. Or, you may
wonder what is so great about typing in their responses to
friends. Regardless of why online chatting is so much fun,
children are doing it more and more and at younger ages. So,
how can you protect your child from entering the wrong chat
room? And, can you know what they are talking about there?
Chat rooms are the most common type of communication tool after
instant messaging. In these cases, the individual visits a
specific website that has a chat room. In these rooms, people
come together from all areas of the world or just specific
areas, depending on the type of room that it is. This is also
one of the prime locations for a predator to pretend to be a
child and therefore come into contact with your child.
With parental controls, you can adjust your child’s ability to
communicate in chat rooms. You can completely restrict them
from all chat rooms, allow them access to some chat rooms that
you approve or keep them only in kid friendly chat rooms that
the software has approved. Each of these options are yours to
consider. You have to determine what the right level of
protection is available to you.
Parental controls usually can monitor where your child is going
and attempting to go with the use of activity reports. But,
they may not be able to tell you what’s going on in the chat
room. There are other software tools that you can purchase and
use discretely to monitor this information, if you would like
to. With some parental control over the chat room, you will
feel better about your child being online.
Email is something that kids
use all of the time. Parental controls offer you some way to
help protect your child from these experiences. Through the use
of parental control ability, you can keep your child as well as
your online computer network, safe from the spam and
inappropriate email that could potentially come through to them
while they are on the web. All parental control software is
different, to some degree, but all can provide you with the
ability to protect your child in regards to email.
Email modifications can be set up for each child that has their
own screen name. In fact, giving them a screen name gives them
an email account. On the youngest of internet users there may
be no need to allow them to use email. But, as a child gets
older, email becomes a standard part of the online experience
and therefore is something that they really want to take
advantage of. It is up to you to allow or not to allow email
communications and parental control software will help you to
make the decision as to what to include.
Email protection can be completely restricted, limited by only
those you approve to communicate with your child through email,
or it can be something you use spam filters on. If you use spam
filters on your child’s email account, you’ll need to adjust the
setting to the appropriate level (many times the highest
filtration) to protect them from the elements there.
There is no doubt that you will need to use some type of
parental control to monitor your child’s email capabilities.
Predators can use email as a way to come into contact with your
child. It also is a large vulnerability to your computer in
regards to spyware and spam. Therefore, you should select the
appropriate level of protection for your child’s email.
Probably the most vulnerable
area of the online experience to your child happens to be one of
the most used tools by them. That is instant messaging.
Parental controls may be able to provide you with the help you
need in regards to these needs, though. Instant messaging is
fun and cool. Kids love the fact that they can get online and
talk with their friends. It is also an affordable way to
communicate, being free of charge, for long distance
conversations. Yes, the phone is still going to be used and yes
there are plenty of times when you’ll wonder about the
fascination with instant messaging, but nevertheless, you’ll
need parental controls for it.
When it comes to parental controls for instant messaging, there
are many different ways that protection can be used. The most
commonly used is with an approval list. You get to choose the
people that your child can communicate with by monitoring their
list of friends. If they have someone new they would like to
talk with, they have to have approval from the master screen
name to do that. This means that you know exactly who they are
chatting with.
One of the most important things to remember about instant
messaging is that there are many different services available.
Many computer systems actually have several installed on the
computer already, even if you have never used them. That means
that a crafty child can open these software tools, set them up
and use them, without you even knowing that they are doing so
and going completely around parental controls in the process.
For this reason, as well as overall protection, you should
monitor how they are using instant messaging services and make
sure that the parental control tools that you use monitor all
internet access methods not just those that are through your
internet service provider. This will give you the best control
over your child while they are online.
Children are inquisitive by
nature. When they are younger, it's usually because they want
to better understand something. When they are older, it's
because they want to better understand why you think something
is important and why they should also feel the same way.
Regardless of their age, it's imperative that when setting forth
the rules and expectations in your home, your child understands
there is no room for questioning the rules you set forth and the
consequences of breaking the rules.
Younger children usually do not
understand a lengthy explanation of why it's important that they
be home from their friend's home at a certain time or why they
aren't allowed to play ball in the house. But the one thing
they do strive to do most of the time is to make their parents
proud and happy. So when a young child asks "Why?" or "Why
not?" when they are told they can't play with something or
someone or why they have to obey a rule you've set forth, simply
explain to them that "because it makes me happy when you follow
the house rules and do what I have asked of you." You should
avoid using the term, "Because I said so," as that only adds to
the child's frustration and confusion.
Older children, adolescents and
teenagers alike will probably require more from your
explanation. When they question "Why?" or "Why not?" it's best
to directly, honestly and clearly state your reasoning. "I
asked you to be home by 10 p.m. because we have to be at the
dentist's office first thing in the morning for your check-up
and we can't be late." It is also a great opportunity for you
to reiterate the consequences of breaking the rule. "If you are
not home by 10 p.m., you'll be grounded from going to your
friend's house for a week." Be consistent, be firm, and be
clear.
Though your child may challenge
you by asking your reasoning why a rule has been put in place,
it also shows their growth as an individual thinker. So try not
to get angry or frustrated when they do so; realize it's their
way of understanding their world around them.
It's imperative for a child's
healthy development to feel important and worthy. Healthy
self-esteem is a child's armor against the challenges of the
world. Kids who feel good about themselves seem to have an
easier time handling conflicts and resisting negative pressures.
They tend to smile more readily and enjoy life. These kids are
realistic and generally optimistic. It's also been shown that
children who feel important are well-rounded, respectful, and
excel in academics, extracurricular activities and hobbies and
develop healthy relationships with their peers.
In contrast, for children who
do not feel important or cherished have low self-esteem, and
challenges can become sources of major anxiety and frustration.
Children who think poorly of themselves have a hard time finding
solving problems, and may become passive, withdrawn, or
depressed.
You are the biggest influence
in your child feeling important, valued and worthy. Remember to
praise your child for a job well done, and also for putting for
a valiant effort. Praise the good traits they naturally
possess, and help them find ways to learn from their mistakes
and failures. Be honest and sincere in your praise. Help them
realize that you also suffer from self doubt and can make
mistakes from time to time, but that you know that you are
important, valued and loved. When you nurture your own self
-esteem and importance, your child will learn to do the same, so
be sure to lead by example and steer clear of self-depreciating
yourself or engaging in activities that lower your self-worth or
importance.
Your child may have inaccurate
or irrational beliefs about themselves, their abilities or their
traits. Accentuate the positive about your child, and encourage
your child to set realistic expectations and standards for
themselves. Help them identify traits or skills they'd like to
improve and help them come up with a game plan for accomplishing
that goal. Encourage your child to become involved in
cooperative activities that foster a sense of teamwork and
accomplishment.
Through these and other
positive, affirming activities, your child is sure to develop a
strong sense of self importance, value and worth which will
carry into their adult years.
Let's face it. There are just
some days when it would just seem easier to let your child have
his way than feeling like you're fighting a losing battle when
trying to discipline them. They beg, plead, cry, barter and
scream - anything to get out of doing the time for their crime.
However, don't lose your strength and your will during this
time. It's times like these when consistent disciplinary action
is imperative to teaching your child positive and acceptable
behaviors. There is no room for negotiation when it comes to
bad behaviors and there should be no room for exceptions when it
comes time for punishing misdeeds or bad behavior.
Hopefully before any misdeeds
occur, you've sat down with your child and discussed the
consequences of misdeeds and inappropriate behavior or
decisions. Be concise and consistent when discussing these
consequences so that when the time to implement them comes, you
can follow through with ease. Children are classically testing
the boundaries and limits set on them on a continual basis, and
the temptation to 'bend the rules' just once or twice can be
overwhelming when they're really trying your patience. But be
firm yet fair. Emphasize that this was the understood
consequence for this particular misdeed or inappropriate action,
and that now is not the time to negotiate. Afterwards, take
time out to discuss the situation with your child, and if it
seems that perhaps a consequence that worked at first isn't
working anymore, rethink that punishment and negotiate with your
child. Of course, parameters that are set for their well-being
or safety should never be negotiated. But in other instances,
it may be time to develop a new consequence based on your
child's age, temperament or maturity level.
It's also imperative that your
spouse and any other adult caregivers are all on the same page
and following through on punishments with the same level of
consistency and clarity. Should you determine that what was
once working isn't working anymore and develop a new parameter,
be sure all adult caregivers are brought into the loop so that
follow through remains consistent and clear.
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YOUR CHILDREN THE KIDS GOAL SETTING SERIES:
For Once, Something FUN And EASY To Follow For
Kids Of All Ages...
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Children, by nature, are
inquisitive. While young, they question because they want a
better understanding of something. When they become older, they
question because they want a better understanding of why they
must give importance to the same things that you do.
Irrespective of how old the child is, it is important that when
you are making the expectations and rules, the child does not
question the validity of your claim and fully understands the
consequences of disobedience.
Children of a younger age, do
not usually understand the entire reason behind why it is
necessary for them to be back home from a friends place at a
particular time or why, while in the house, they shouldn't play
ball. But to their credit, they always strive to make their
parents happy and proud. This is why, whenever a child asks 'why
not' or 'why' when they are told to go to bed early or to do
some chores, you should never say 'because I say so'. Instead
tell them that they should do it because it makes you happy when
he or she follows the rules that have been set and does what you
have asked. Giving no explanation or just making a demand adds
to the child's confusion and frustration.
Teenagers, adolescents and
older children will perhaps require a more elaborate
explanation. Their why's and why not's should be met with a
clearly comprehensive reason. " I do not want you to stay out
till after 10 because we have to be at the airport early in the
morning and I don't want us to be late." This will also be a
good time to reiterate what happens on breaking a rule. " if you
are not back by 10, you will be grounded for a week". You should
exercise clarity, consistency and firmness.
Although a child may constantly
question the requirement of putting a rule and the irrelevancy
of it, it also shows that the child is growing to be an
individual thinker. Therefore it is best you do not get
frustrated or angry at them when they question you; remember it
is their own method of understanding the world.
If a child must develop in a
healthy manner, it is necessary that he feels worthy and
important. A good self-esteem is a child's safety against a
world of challenges. When you feel good about yourself, you find
it easier to handle challenges and conflicts and resist negative
pressure. Such children tend to readily smile and mostly enjoy
their lives. They are optimistic and realistic. Children with a
healthy self-esteem are proven to be over all respectful and
well-rounded kids who usually do well in academics as well as
extra-curricular activities and have a healthy relationship with
their friends and peers.
On the other hand, children who
have a damaged sense of self worth have lower self-esteem and
they are not able to cope up with challenges and are often
anxious and frustrated. It is common for children with low
self-esteem to show withdrawal symptoms as they get more
depressed and passive and show weak problem solving ability.
Parents are instrumental in how
their children feel about themselves and it is their duty to
make sure their children feel worthy and loved. When you child
does a good job, remember to always praise him or her for the
job as well as for the effort. Recognize and compliment their
natural traits and support them in the process of learning from
failures and mistakes. You should always be sincere and honest
when you praise them. They must learn that everybody suffers
self-doubt in their lives but regardless of how often you make
mistakes, it is important to feel valued and important. When you
teach by example and show your child how you go about dealing
positively with day-to-day matters, the child automatically
learns the same. Never expose the child to a self-depreciating
environment or activities that lower your own worth.
Often children have irrational
and inaccurate beliefs about themselves and their traits and
abilities. Emphasize your child's positive qualities and urge
them to have realistic expectations and to set proper standards
for themselves. Encourage them to recognize their positive
traits and skills and show them how to develop these so that
they can accomplish their goals. Also to ensure that your child
has good team spirit, encourage involvement in cooperative
activities.
Giving your child a positive
environment with positive activities ensures that your child
will develop a strong self esteem and a high sense of worth and
value which will equip them in their adult years.
The truth is, that sometimes we
feel it is much simpler just letting your child get away with
something than fighting a battle you are anyway going to lose.
They just make you give up by pleading, screaming, begging and
crying that you just don't have the heart or patience any more
to go through with your point. However, you must not lose your
will or your strength at such times. Its at these times that
disciplinary action is necessary so that your child learns
acceptable and positive behavior. Bad behavior should not be
made negotiable and there shouldn't be any scope for exceptions
in terms of punishment for misbehavior and bad deeds.
Hopefully, before the
occurrence of any misdeeds, you would have discussed and
explained to your child the consequences of inappropriate
behavior and misdeeds. They should understand clearly what
action will be taken for bad behavior. Be clear, concise and
consistent in explaining these so that when it comes to
implementation, you can follow through easily. Children tend to
test the limits and boundaries that are set for them and it is
easy to let them bend the rule when your patience wanes. But you
must be firm and fair and without loosing your ground explain
that this was the consequence discussed and so it shall be. But
do not forget to discuss the issue with the child and work out a
better solution if the question of one arises. But you need to
constantly consider your child's age and maturity and
accordingly work out disciplinary action. Sometimes as a child
grows, so should the way we approach them.
It is necessary that your
spouse as well any other caregiver, are in agreement with you
and follow through with the same consistency and clarity when it
comes to punishments. If you decide to make some changes in this
area, make sure that all the other adults involved are informed
so that the follow through always remains clear and consistent.
Today, we all have such busy
lives, what with the household chores, social activities and
work; we hardly get to spend any time with our children. But as
you know, spending quality time with your children is one of the
most important things in bringing them up. It is through this
that the bond between child and parent is strengthened, and the
child begins to count on you and trust you. Parents who spend
enough time with their children find that their child is doing
better in school, hobbies and sports. Though you can schedule
the time you spend with your child, spontaneity is always the
best option. Therefore, it is best you spend time with your
children in a relaxed environment and that you do things that
you can both enjoy.
You might be wondering where
you will find that kind of time. But you need to prioritize and
dig out enough time from your busy schedule. Here is a list of
things you could do with your child to make the most of the time
you have available.
Go through the list of
household chores and see which you can leave out or spend lesser
time on in order to spare some time. You can also keep some
chores for after your child's bedtime so that you can spend that
time with your child.
You can even make some of your
routines together interesting. You can sing songs together on
your way to day care. You can even use the time spent in the car
while driving to and from school to discuss things going on in
your child's life.
When you have two or more
children, it is important to give each individual attention. It
might be difficult for you and you might really have to try very
hard, but make sure you are creative and flexible while spending
time with each child. And at no cost should you cancel out on
time spent with each child. If you do this, the child may feel
that he or she is less important than the grocery shopping or
the dry cleaning.
Children need routine and
stability, so ensure that the quality time you plan takes place
regularly. You can use weekend mornings to take the dog for a
walk together, or you can choose one day per week to have an eat
out. There are many ways of spending time together, just make
sure that it counts.
Our children grow up even
before we realize it. It seems like just yesterday that they
were crawling around trying to walk and suddenly they're in
school, making friends, learning new things and becoming
independent. It has been said that as soon as children are born,
they are learning to let go. Accordingly, our strategies of
parenting must change. Our parenting role must adapt the growth
and change that our children go through, maturing and developing
with them.
As a child grows, so does their
temperament and personality which is unique to them. Without
knowing, you would have developed parenting skills that cater to
the individuality of your child. No two people are exactly and
completely alike, and this applies for children as well. This
should reflect in your parenting. Certain children are less sure
of themselves and need more guidance while others are very fast
at learning and might not require you to constantly guide them.
We must according to the child's requirement and need, guide
the child and give him or her encouragement to become more
independent. While encouraging an independent attitude you must
also teach them that it is not wrong to ask for help when
required and we must praise and compliment their good deeds,
traits and actions.
Our ears and eyes are the most
reliable tools we posses in order to adjust and assess our
parenting skills. We must keep open eyes and ears to see and
hear what is happening in our children's lives and what they are
trying to tell us. We must be available to our children whenever
they need us as well as constantly urge them to be strong and
independent. Sometimes it depends on the situation. A child may
not necessarily require you to be directly involved in their
academic progress but might require your support when it comes
to social issues like making friends and talking to new people.
The bottom line is that your
parenting skills should grow and mature your child does. Keep
an open ear and eye to communicate openly and honestly with your
children, and you will both mature into great individuals.
Children, very often, try our
patience and we end up losing our temper and calm. It is very
easy to end up feeling annoyed, sad, angry, irritated, hurt and
confused. These periods of time are the true test of our
parenting skills. Therefore it becomes important that we
exercise discipline firmly but kindly. And the truth is, nobody
wants to hurt their children either physically or verbally. When
we feel that what our child has done is wrong and we want to
teach him or her this distinction, yelling, hitting and
punishing the child is the worst course of action to take.
When teaching our children
discipline, our goal should be to teach them what cooperative,
kind, respectful and responsible behavior is. The best method of
teaching this is to be consistent, ensuring that the same
punishment follows through for the same misbehavior, and to
explain the discipline honestly and openly with the child
afterwards.
While enforcing disciplinary
action, the temperament, age and maturity level must always be
kept in mind. Disciplinary actions should always be discussed
well in advance so that the child, when confronted with a
particular kind of situation, is fully aware of the
consequences, and hopefully chooses to behave accordingly. And
most significantly, you must never forget that it is the child's
behavior in a certain instance that you disapprove of and not
the child itself.
If required, you can give
yourself a little time before deciding to respond to a misdeed
of your child. Sometimes we need a little time to cool off
before dealing with the child in order to think carefully and
not make any mistakes of our own. Hitting and yelling should be
strictly avoided.
As a parent, you must keep your
mind open, and should be willing to learn from and with your
child. Every human makes mistakes and we must keep in mind that
every disciplinary action may not work for every child. Children
are as unique as anybody else, sometimes more so, and it is
important that any form of discipline enforced on the child is
made fitting to his or her character and individual needs of the
child and parents. With enough love, patience, forethought,
understanding and firmness, the process of discipline will have
a positive outcome.
So often do we get caught up in
the rigmarole of our hectic and busy lives with our jobs and our
families, that we easily forget one of the most important
aspects of our child's life - his or her emotional well-being.
The most critical times in a child's life are the first three
years. In this critical phase, constantly switching providers of
childcare or having a 'part time' parent come irregularly in
their lives can be extremely destabilizing and traumatic for the
child. Just as the child's physical needs are met, it is equally
important to meet his or her emotional needs and it is the duty
of the involved adults like parents, educators and care
providers to make a joint effort towards achieving this on a
daily basis. If a child's emotional requirements are not
satisfied, especially up till the age of three, it can have
devastating effects on him or her. It can result in disruptive,
defiant and violent behavior.
There are a number of reasons
why the first three years of the child's life are so important.
This is the period when emotional separation and bonding takes
place. Misbehavior on the child's part can result if either one
of these processes is interrupted. This can have far reaching
consequences in their relationships in life and can hinder the
development of healthy relationships when they become
adolescents and adults.
The brain undergoes extremely
rapid development up till the age of three; a kind of
development which never repeats again in life. By the age of
three, the child's brain has already cemented from what they
have experienced up till that point. Therefore, it becomes
necessary that these experiences should be supportive, loving,
positive and safe, so that the brain can be conditioned to
function positively. If they have had hurtful, frightening,
dangerous or abusive experiences, then without doubt the brain
will be conditioned to expect negativity.
For all these reasons, it is
imperative that the caregivers, parents and all involved adults
should try hard to ensure that emotionally, the child's needs
are always met positively and in a manner that is healthy and
constructive. Parents should make sure that the care providers
of the child are consistent and stable and see to it that the
care provider is not changed too many times. The child will feel
secure and safe only if it is given a consistent and structured
routine and schedule. During this period, you must try to spend
a lot of quality time with your child regardless of how busy and
stressed you may be. Sensing stress is a frightful situation for
children and you must ensure this doesn't take place. Therefore
you need to constantly remind him or her that you are not too
busy to take him or her out.
You must never forget that a
child's emotional need is as important as its physical needs and
you need to do your part in order to ensure that your child
knows he or she is secure, safe, loved and treasured.
Communicating effectively with
one's child is perhaps one of the toughest challenges that
parents have to face. In spite of trying to open a two-way
communication line with our child, it gets frustrating if we
find that their attention is not on the ongoing conversation or
on us at all. We complain about broken communication lines when
all the time we find it completely alright to converse with them
when we are folding clothes, reading the newspaper, writing
letters or cooking meals.
By nature children get easily
distracted and do not always respond as expected to their
environment. It becomes the duty of the parents to encourage
positive communication patterns and to discourage the act of
ignoring communication. In order to make sure that a non-verbal
agreement does not ensue, it is important to educate the child
on proper communication forms and hence prevent this. Teaching
by example is the best method. While conversing, you must direct
your complete attention on them and total focus on the
conversation. Allow voicemail to take your calls, turn the
television off or go to a room with no distractions if that's
what it takes.
You must gently and in age
appropriate terms explain to your child what is wrong with their
form of communication and why it doesn't work. Even when there
are hard questions, you must show you child the most effective
manner of communication. Become a good listener. You must
encourage them to tell their side of the story and to voice
their opinions and respond positively to show that you
understand their point of view.
You must communicate with your
child in a consistent manner. You must send out the same signals
ach time you interact. The child must be allowed to see that you
will definitely call their attention whenever unwanted behavior
takes place.
Kids are after all kids and it
is normal for them to be non-communicative and non-reactive
sometimes. Your child is your domain and you should know best
how to interpret his or her behavior and gauge improvement in
communication skills. Modeling positive communication skills is
the best way of ensuring that your child imbibes healthy
communication patterns.
Honesty and dishonesty are
qualities that a child learns at home. Often parents are
perturbed when their child lies.
It is common for young children
to tell tall tales and make up stories. This is a normal
tendency as kids enjoy telling and hearing stories that are fun.
Children often tend to confuse the difference between fantasy
and reality. This is perhaps more as a result of an extremely
active imagination than of an attempt to hide the truth. As
children get older, they may tell lies to suite their needs,
like shirking responsibility and avoiding work. Parents should
treat each instance of lying as an isolated one and respond by
teaching the child about the necessity of trust and honesty.
Sometimes adolescents feel that
it is alright to lie in certain situations like not telling ones
girlfriend or boyfriend the real reason for a breakup as they
are afraid of hurting someone else's feelings. Adolescents might
also lie to retain a sense of privacy and feel psychologically
independent of their parents. The main role models in a child's
life are his or her parents. When parents catch their child
lying, they should approach the matter gently but firmly,
emphasizing the difference between a lie and the truth and the
necessity for honesty. They should try to communicate to their
child and find out the reason for dishonesty and help the child
find an alternative. It is best to lead by example and a parent
should never lie, and if they do, emphasize the
inappropriateness of it. Consequences of lying must be discussed
clearly and in a comprehensive manner with the child early in
his or her life. There are, however, some forms of dishonesty
that should cause concern and might be a symptom of some
underlying emotional problem. Sometimes children know the
difference between a lie and the truth but choose to make up
elaborate stories to gain attention.
Other adolescents or children,
who seem to be sensible, can also fall prey to repetitive lying.
It is common for them to feel that a lie is the most convenient
method of dealing with the expectations of teachers, parents and
friends. Here the child is not trying to be malicious or bad but
just falls into a habit of repetitive lying. If the repetitive
lying goes beyond a point, it is best to take it seriously and
consult a professional child or adolescent psychologist who can
provide help in time.
When it comes to eating,
toddlers can be extremely fussy, rejecting new food half of the
time. Most of the toddlers are like this and it is no surprise
that food issues cause a lot of anxiety in parents.
Problems such as eating
disorders and obesity can be avoided if healthy eating patterns
are established early in life. There are many ways of ensuring
your child consumes a variety of foods. You may even need to
offer a certain type of food to your child at least 10 times
before they finally agree to eat it. Many parents,
unfortunately, give into frustration and give up after four or
five tries.
You must make the food fun for
the child. You can offer your growing toddler colorful foods
such as raisins, carrot sticks, grapes, apples, crackers and
cheese sticks which he or she will find fun and interesting. You
must explain to them in their language how good food can help
them play longer and run faster by making them bigger and
stronger.
Parents are usually the
children's role models and children try to emulate them. If you
eat only a certain kind of food, your child will learn to have a
restricted taste too. Don't let your preferences put a limit on
your child's food intake. It is possible that yours and your
child's taste vary and you might be serving them an item that
they simply don't like. Always openly eat a wide variety of
foods in front of your children so they might try to do the
same.
If you have a healthy and
energetic child, then they must be eating well. If you still
feel unsure, keep watch over what and how much food they consume
over the day. Unlike adults, children eat often and not just
three meals per day. Snacks and handfuls can add up to quite a
bit. To confirm, you can take your child to a pediatrician and
check your child's weight and height status.
Don't worry too much because a
child will always eat, unless he or she is ill. They have very
good judgment when it comes to hunger and fullness. Always be
calm and patient during meal times and ensure your child has
access to a fair variety of foods. You never know, you and
toddler may find something in common.
We watch our children grow
right before our very eyes. It seems like yesterday they were a
baby learning to crawl, walk, and feed themselves, and now
they're in school, involved in activities, making friends, and
learning to be more and more independent. Parents before us
have said that from the time they're born, we are constantly
learning to let go. As a result, our parenting strategies have
to change. As our child grows, develops, learns, and matures, so
does our parenting role.
As your child has grown, you
undoubtedly have discovered they have their own unique
personality and temperament. You've probably unconsciously
redeveloped your parenting skills around the individual needs of
your child. And no two children are exactly alike, and
therefore, neither should your parenting style. Some children
may need more guidance and feel more unsure of themselves, so
we've become used to having to guide, lead, show and encourage
that child consistently through their childhood while still
trying to encourage independence and give praise in order to
build their self esteem and confidence level. Yet another child
may be very intrinsically motivated and very willful and not
need a great deal of guidance or leadership from you. While you
encourage their independence, it's also important that you also
encourage their ability to ask for help when needed and continue
to praise good deeds, actions, and traits.
The most important tools we
have in order to successfully adjust our parenting skills are
our eyes and our ears. We have to see what's going on with our
child and we have to hear what they are telling us. It's
important that we encourage our child to be their own individual
while still being available to them at whatever level or degree
they need us to be. Sometimes it's situation-specific as well.
A child may not need us to be as directly involved with their
schooling to ensure their overall academic success, but they may
need us to be more involved in their social life as they may be
feeling a bit shaky or scared when it comes to making new
friends or meeting new people.
So the
bottom line is this: as your child grows and changes, so should
your parenting skills. Keep your eyes and ears open and
communicate honestly and openly with your child, and you'll both
mature gracefully.
Additional Resources
Sample
Storybook Page
Storybooks That Teach Child Development.
Prepare Children Emotionally,
Intellectually And Physically, Before
They Go To School. Storybooks That Teach
Give Your Child A Head Start To Meet
What Science Is Saying Children Must
Have Before The Critical Age Of Seven
Years.
"Hi boys and girls. I
am
Nellie the elephant
Let's put on our
listening ears"
Helps with:
listening and focusing
skills
Why it is important:
attention is taken away
from play and other
activities while getting
the children to focus
and listen.
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EBook(R)
Written By An Expert In The Field Of Baby Modeling
Detailing Step-by-step How Parents Can Succeed In
Putting Their Babies Into Ads, Catalogs, Movies,
Films, Etc.
How To Protect Your Baby In The Nursery:
A Complete Checklist
"Finally, a
checklist that covers ALL aspects of infant
safety in the nursery!"
Find out how to protect your baby in the
nursery by following this easy to use,
comprehensive checklist...
I have had four precious babies of my own, and I
can't even begin to tell you how much less
stressful your life is as a new mom when you
know your little one is safe.
But why dedicate an entire e-book to safety in
the nursery alone? Well, because your baby will
spend around 70% or more of her time in this
room during her first year. And, because the
nursery is the only room in the house where your
baby will be left unattended, so it requires
special attention when it comes to baby
proofing.
Read more
Discover How You Too Can
Banish Your
Baby
Belly,
Lose At Least 21lbs Just
8 Weeks After Having
Your Baby AND Fit
In To Your Pre Pregnancy
Clothes In Just 2 Weeks, Without
Crash Dieting Or
Ever Setting
Foot In A Gym Or
Exercise Class
I had so
much energy, even the sleepless nights
didn't seem to affect me the same as the
last time, I had no anxiety at all and
the pains in my back recovered in
lightning speed.
Within 2
weeks I was back in to my old clothes.
People who were expecting to see a
wreck, a mess, someone who wasn't coping
very well were amazed at the way I
looked. I had it all under control and I
felt great.
Organic Baby - Caring For Baby The
Chemical Free Way. Hot New Niche
Market. Huge 65% Commission. This
Practical, Definitive Guide Uncovers All
You Need To Know About The Use Of
Harmful Toxic Chemicals In Baby
Products. A Must Read For All Parents To
Discover How To Keep Baby Healthy, Safe
And Chemical Free.
